How appropriate for fall, and I didn't even plan it that way...
Let me begin with a WELCOME! Holy crap, people. I'm going public! Those of you who have followed my myspace blogging adventures understand what a big step this is for me. It means that I may have to edit myself a bit more carefully, but that will only spur my creativity!
So why now, why the new blog, why the new leaf? The new more public blog - it just about TIME, damn it. No more contemplating the move, just do it.
As for anything else...again, if you've followed me on facebook, myspace, or the actual (GASP! ohmygoodness!) REAL world, you have seen nuttin but angst for the past couple of months. Every time life throws a curveball, does Catherine make lemonade??? Nooooooo. She cries out to the masses for support and validation. Nothing wrong with that...we SHOULD ask for support when we need it. But I was seeing a pattern, and it was a clear sign that I was not myself.
This is both excusable and understandable. The calendar year 2009 has been not so friendly to me and mine. It has been, to say the least, a rough year filled with losses both literal and figurative. I have had to regroup, realign, and find a way to ground myself when everything around me was in flux. I moved TWICE. My relationship of 8 years ended. My two most precious...died. This is the short list.
And though I brought my struggles to others, I never once played the pity card. No one ever said "Wow, let's go easy on Catherine, she's had a rough year." No one ever thought they should protect me from any harsh realities, because we all know...I can handle my shit. And yours, and theirs, and everyone else's. Right?
Wrong. The new leaf has turned because I finally see that I need to STOP. In the words of a wise friend, "You seem to be like the boxer who just got knocked out and then climbs back into the ring with a better opponent without taking the time to heal and train harder. Give yourself a chance to recover from the blows you have been hit with...Give yourself time to heal."
Amen, brotha. So, I'm going into retirement. I don't even think I really know how to step out of the ring, so to speak. But I damn well know how to take care of myself. I know that it's time to stop and look, really look at what happened this year. Process. Process some more. Begin to heal.
And then...ONLY THEN...move forward.